my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize