yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
