Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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