sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Never joke about your clitoris.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
