she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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