fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
