I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
