Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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