dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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