I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
