No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
