theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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