I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
