??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
