I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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