And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
