yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We don't watch enough power rangers
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
