The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
