tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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