hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize