I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
