could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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