I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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