Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
