oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
