you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
