I think im going to throw up on grandma
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
