I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
