She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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