there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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