I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
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