I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
birth control should be required to get into college
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
