Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
