he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize