it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
sarcasm needs its own font
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
