I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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