Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
