i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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