Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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