i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
not ubering you a puppy
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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