3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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