Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
