Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
