My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
