Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
