there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You pole danced in your parka.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
