They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
