Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
