So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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