Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
