I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
