how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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