I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
