Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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