tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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