looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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