I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
