hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
