I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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