oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
