so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
