Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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