does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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