she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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