a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
