I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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