i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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