i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
