is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
