dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
