you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
