Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
